Four Score and Seven Drams Ago

I'd get hammered, too, if I saw what these guys were doing to the "gohp." Poor Lincoln.

The contest entries are all excellent, but we need more. Always more. Poor impulse control and the need for attention are two of the Painted Ground's hallmarks. Help us out with at least one of those, would you? Enter early, enter often, spam your friends, pray for victory.